Introduction

I was raised in a two career household and taught that in order to “be someone” you had to work outside the home, preferably away from children all together.  Homemaking was never even discussed as a possible vocation.  When I told my father I wanted to be a teacher, he told me that teaching would be a waste of my talents.  Great things were expected of me: scientist, doctor, ruler of the world.  I eventually went to a top ten college, thinking nothing of the very large student debt I was accumulating.  After all, when I was a hot shot doctor, I would be able to pay off my loans in no time flat.  I went on to a top ten medical school, then completed years of residency in a competitive specialty.  I was, until a few weeks ago, on the slipstream to success in academic medicine.

Of course, I planned on having it all.  I married my wonderful husband about a year and a half ago, and we wasted no time in starting to procreate.  We are, after all, Catholics... and we take that whole thing about “Be fruitful and multiply” quite literally.  Our plan was simple: he would spend most of the time with the kids, and I would be the high powered career woman.

My plan was not God’s plan.

A few weeks ago I walked into my program director’s office to resign.  I can still see him holding his head in his hands asking me if I had completely lost my mind.

I hadn’t.  You see, in the nine months of pregnancy and six months of motherhood leading up to my resignation, I had realized something very important: the feminists lied... or at the very least, they were sorely mistaken.  My baby could tell the difference between his daddy and his mommy, and he wanted his mommy.  Home.  At all times.  When I had to leave, he was inconsolable.  He started to wail the second I got near the door, even on days I wasn’t working.  As he has gotten older, he has become more tolerant of my leaving home for my 12 hour shifts, but he is still a different, calmer baby when I am home for a few days.

I have changed, too.  I want to be home with my baby and my husband.  I don’t want to relegate to a nanny the playing, the diapers, or running the household.  I want to be the one to kiss the boo boos, to teach him how to read, to console him when he’s frustrated.  I’ve come to believe that I’m the best person to do those things.  I’m his mother.  

I’m also a wife to a wonderful husband.  I don’t think I completely realized how wonderful my husband was until I went out on maternity leave... I had been so self involved with my career.  Having looked around at others in my workplace, I’ve realized that a lot of them are divorced, some many times.  I don’t want that for my family, and my guess is if I work as hard at keeping my home welcoming, my husband happy, and my family whole as I was planning on spending on my career, my family will go in a better direction.

This blog is going to be about the transition and, hopefully, the happy outcome.  I'll talk about what I'm thinking, what I'm reading, what I'm planning, and what actually happens.  This will be something of a process -- our finances won't allow me to quit working today.  However, my job is now significantly restuctured to allow me to spend more time at home and our finances have been adjusted to allow us to pay down our debts rapidly.  We're excited to start our new adventure!